Wouldn’t it be better if banks were much more transparent?
The website of the ethical bank Triodos provides you the privilege to access information about what happens with your money, who it is lend to. It gives you the opportunity to observe and examine your money float. However Triodos contains only ecological companies, therefore it is recommendable for other banks to be more transparent in their investment portfolio.
Source
Rosalien De Saer
1 opmerking:
S1: good first sentence: attracts attention
S2: bit wordy part 'the privilege to access' --> allows you to see what...
S2: whom
S2: it is lenT to
S3: money float? unknown term for me ODP
S4: add a comma after 'however'
S4: logic link between part 1 of S4 and part 2 is unclear/stretched.
The at times wordy text and awkward ending hamper overall flow. Strong start, weak ending.
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